Thinking of You
by fiftyshadesofdevingray
Summary: Nothing tastes as sweet as love's first kiss. Nothing is as sour as losing it.


**Summary: Nothing tastes as sweet as love's first kiss. Nothing is as sour as losing your first love. Clare/Jake/Eli**

**A/N: I begrudgingly like Katy Perry and as WitchatHeart pointed, this song is perfect for Eclare. So this is dedicated to her. Sorry it took so long Charlotte.**

**Also, Clare is an adult in this fic.**

**I "Thinking of you"**

His tall gangly figure lay next to her, his mousy brown hair strewn everywhere as he slept. She watched his pasty white chest rise and fall. Clare moved over and laid across his chest taking in his scent; it was musky and smelled of pine from working with his father on the cabin all day. It was nice, but it wasn't his.

She missed his short lean figure that seemed to compliment her perfectly when she curled up next to him after making love. His sweet vanilla scent mixed with something she could never identify. She missed the soft strokes that he trailed across her back soothing to sleep first so that he could watch for a moment.

She sat up, keeping the comforter pulled tightly against her chest as she walked over to the door. The boy stirred adjusting the sheet over his lower half, "where you going, Clare?" He muttered

"I just need some air, Jake," sighed Clare, longingly.

**II**

Clare kept the sheet wrapped around her as she stood on the dark porch of the cabin. Mr. Martin had let them use for the weekend. Their honeymoon, she looked down at her wedding band and sighed that he hadn't given to her. She wanted to be married just not to Jake. Clare couldn't help but think of the last time she had seen him.

_She had never been so angry in her life. Her feet ached from walking a mile from the school and back in high heels. All to find out he had used her. Crashed his car and used her all because he couldn't lose her. _

_She stood in the bathroom reapplying her red lipstick, her mind wandering back to his crumpled form in the hospital. Her small green clutch bag vibrated against the porcelain sink, signaling her phone was going off. Clare the clutch in her hands and fumbled for a moment, staring at the caller ID._

_She sighed and answered, "look I am not ready to talk-"_

"_Clare, it's Bullfrog," he cut off, in a choked up tone._

"_Bullfrog?"_

_She could hear him swallow, "Eli's gone, he died."_

Bullfrog went on to tell her that there had been some internal bleeding when she left. He just crashed out of nowhere. Yet she had felt like she was the one who died. Bone crushing guilt rested on her chest, if she hadn't left she wouldn't have lost her true love.

Clare slid down against the wall of the cabin; her body wracked with sobs as she remembered the boy. She was crying on her wedding night, the night that was supposed to be one of her happiest but she sat there crying. She didn't want this, she wanted to be happy with Jake, she didn't want to sit there and fake it.

She looked off to the lake and thought for a moment, she wasn't the strongest swimmer and this would be the perfect opportunity to be with him once again. It would be easy; she could just drop the blanket and jump right in. Leave this life that no longer included Eli.

Clare stood up and dropped the towel to the ground, exposing herself to the warm July night. She walked down the steps that led into the grass and walked towards the soft sand of the lake. Her feet soon met the cool waves of the lake, soon her thighs, but then something stopped her from going even farther.

The reason she was considering suicide was also the reason that reason that was saving her life. She thought back to Eli and knew he wouldn't have wanted this for her. He would have wanted to start over and live her life for her. No matter what that included, even if it was somebody else.

Two arms around her waist, the cotton of a t-shirt brushing against her back, "skinny dipping without me," whispered Jake.

Clare turned for a moment, a fake smile plastered on her face, "yes, but it would be so much enjoyable with you," she muttered, covering his lips with hers.

**III**

They had both ended back in the bedroom, their chests rising and falling rapidly trying to recover. Clare leaned over and looked into her new husband's eyes. They were a nice shade of stormy blue, but they weren't the familiar green. But they would have to do, she stared at that for a few more moments.

She thought about the man lying next to her, he was a good man, he was patient with her while she was grieving. Why couldn't she trick herself into feeling what she did for Eli? Eli would have wanted to be happy, why wasn't her brain processing this?

Jake smiled up at her, "what," he chuckled.

Clare smiled faintly at him, "I am just thinking."

He nodded, "about how much you love me," teased Jake.

Clare bit her lip, "yes, of course," she lied.

**A/N: I suck at one-shots I apologize. Review?**

_'_


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